Duo Therapy

Posted in Detox by admin

Duo Therapy
I am in love with someone who has no love for me. We are close friends often seeing each other.?

I (38) am madly in love with X (20). We have been seeing each other for over a year, and my feelings for X are even stronger now. X knows about my feelings; yet X has clearly told me “I do not love you.” X is not attracted to me and is still in love with someone from X”s past. X wants us to be just friends, but I cannot look at X just as a friend. I tried to leave X and move on but I could not; I became miserable. I started drinking, was arrested for DUI and became epressed. I am in therapy for that! Although I know X has no love for me, I still love X so much. My love for X is the strongest love I have ever had. I know there is no hope for me, but I cannot change my feelings. How can I ignore my love? We now see each other once a week for dinner. I am trying to deal with the pain, but it is hard! Even if I can manage the pain, what should I do with
the sadness that is in me now, the sadness of feeling like a loser. I am desperate. Help me people! What should I do?

Hello FNB,

Quite a lot of people happen to arrive in a likewise situation during their lifetime – but the age-difference between you and your friend is quite remarkable.

Nevertheless, I think you’ve given us your own answer!

In a nut-shell:
1 – you’re in love with a man who’s in love with another woman
+
2 – this man is not attracted to you
+
3 – you can not look at him as a good friend.

The solution:
You need to change your feelings and cognitive behavior therapy might give you some usefull tools (= mind work) to change this heart-breaking situation:

http://www.handresearch.com/hand/therapy/cognitive-behavior-therapy.htm

you can focuss on 2 things:
You can chose to stop the contact with your friend, or … you can decide to change your feelings.

PS. R.E.T. (rational emotive therapy) might provide you some likewise usefull tools.

Good luck!

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